Why it’s important to have empathy for people and not be so judgmental

Ever get mad and flip someone off on the highway? Or lose it at a department store when the TV said one price and they tried to charge you another price? I got called a Karen by my 10-year-old last year when I did this, over the price of a TV.

It’s easy to only think about our situation and what we are going through. But, what about the person on the other side. We have no clue what they are going through.

Now, I’m not saying to let people take advantage of your kindness. You still have to stand your ground, but understanding that they might have something they are dealing with and that there are also positive aspects of people may not only keep you from instantly getting upset with people. It could change the course of your day and life as well.

This video popped up on my Facebook memories a few weeks back. It was a classic example of why you should be kind to everyone you meet.

The definition of empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

For some of us, it is natural. For most of us, this practice is learned and is a discipline. For a long time, I set everyone to a high standard including myself. I had a facade that I had set for myself or a standard and I expected everyone else to live up to that standard and I would mentally and physically get upset if they didn’t, but this mindset created many problems for me, not just externally, but internally.

This turned into judging people everywhere I went. “He’s fat. He must eat potato chips on the couch all day. Why would she wear that? She looks terrible,” and the negative thoughts about people continued Ad Infinitum. This turned into two major negatives for me, as it began to take hold in my sub-conscience and eventually dominated my thought pattern.

This thought pattern didn’t just apply to new people on the street though. The people closest to me usually ended up getting the blunt end of this wrath of negative thinking.

First, I never gave good people a chance. Before they had a chance to prove themselves, they had already seen the jury, judge, and were executed from ever having a chance to have any kind of relationship with me or working together on any project.

The phrase, “Never judge a book by its cover” comes to mind while I write this.

The people closest to me were held to the highest standard though. This turned into resentment in both directions and strained relationships. I wanted the people closest to me to live up to my extremely high expectations and if they didn’t, they saw the judge, jury, and executioner, sometimes on a daily basis and in many instances, several times a day.

Second, and most importantly, the judgment turned inward on me. “I am fat. I look terrible. I am lazy. I will never be successful. I’m not a good parent. I’m a terrible spouse. I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve anything good that happens to me, etc.”

Before I had a chance to prove myself on basically anything that I did, I had already seen the jury, judge, and I was executed in my own mind before I had even attempted anything.

I was a failure. I couldn’t do anything right. This created an internal battle within myself which led to me getting my ass kicked by myself day in and day out. It still creeps up and keeps me from doing great things now and turns into the fear factory once again, running the show.

“How am I supposed to even talk to this person if I’m not even good enough to have a conversation with them?” It was self-judgment and contempt prior to investigation. People didn’t even get a chance, because I wouldn’t give them or myself a chance.

While meeting with a therapist, I was asked if I judge people. At first, I said, “not really.” Then I really started thinking about it and I had been judging everyone my entire life.

She explained the way to fix this and that it wouldn’t be instant, but it would give me some relief personally if I began to show empathy toward other people. Now I’m not talking about making excuses for people. I’m talking about empathy.

For instance, if someone is wearing something that makes them look terrible. Instead of saying, “My God, they look terrible in that,” switch it to, “They might not look the best in that but look at their confidence level. They must be very confident in themselves.” There are positives in almost every situation. Find them and watch your whole outlook on life change.

It’s a game-changer and the practice of thinking will turn inward and shut off the internal judge, jury, and executioner that keeps us beaten down mentally and holds us back from being who we are meant to be.

We aren’t here to lose. I believe that we are on this planet to win. While none of us are perfect, I believe that most of us are generally good people. When you show empathy to others, you end up showing empathy to yourself. Our sub-conscience runs our lives in many ways, from habits to thought patterns.

Try having empathy for everyone you see today. See how your confidence in yourself and your overall mood also shifts. You might make some new friends out of it too.

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